On April 24, 2008 My husband and I welcomed our first child into the world. He was welcomed by lots of loved ones and two parents that adored every inch of him. I knew that my love for him would be a love that I had never knew, and that would change me forever.
My mother always said that I would never know about being a mom until I became one. I always wondered how she knew about things I had done and said. How did she know I wasn’t where I said I was? How did she know I had gotten my feelings hurt at school, or I had gotten my heart broken a boy? I had no idea how she found out, but she did. “A mother knows everything” she would say to me. I would just roll my eyes, and say something smart. I can now say I regret not understanding, because now I do understand.
On April 24, 2008 I would understand what my mom had been saying, and what feelings had been in her heart. I never knew that when becoming a mother you lose your braveness and you gain a worrisome heart. I am brave, but in a different way. I would jump in front of a bullet for my kids. I would do anything for their safety and well being. As for the “worrisome thing” I think it begins when that baby exits your womb.
Well, the worry has hit me straight in the face this year. I have always worried about Sawyer; his health, who he was staying with, what he should be eating, and how well he was learning. All of that worry is normal I know, but I never thought at that time the worry would grow immensely as he got older.
This year will be a bittersweet year for me. My baby is turning five. He will start kindergarten, and will probably become a little more independent. Oh, how my heart yearns for that little baby to be back in my arms, and how I wish he was still saying “momma will you hold me.”
Although, I want all these things back; I am thankful for the journey that is ahead. Five years has gone by to fast, but I know it will be o.k. ,and it will get more exciting. He will start “BIG” school, and he will love it!
So back to what my mother used to say “A mother knows everything;” now I agree. We do know that to love we have to let go. For our children to succeed we have to make sacrifices, and the love for our children will always last through the milestones and mistakes of their childhood. We will never lose the feeling of the first time we set our eyes on that tiny baby; no matter how old they are.
So to all those mothers that have to step over that next milestone; such as kindergarten, or a high school graduation. Enjoy that bittersweet moment, and be thankful that in that moment you are a mother.