Black, White, And The colors In Between

I have not had a lot of time to write a blog lately (Try a year). I have been taking care of our two beautiful kids, keeping house, and getting a education.

While taking care of all of my wife and motherly duties there has been a lot of nerve racking events; from moving out of our first house, to dealing with change in our new one. I have dealt with losing contact with friends (But rekindling with precious ones from my past). I have dealt with the pain of depression and anxiety, which came from the overload of going to school.

My husband could not understand why I was depressed about all these changes. They were all good things. We had sold our house to be closer to our son’s school. I was 30 minutes closer to my family, and had reconnected with old friends. I was also getting to stay home with our two year old. Why should I be depressed? Well here is why. My nest had moved and this mother bird did not adjust well. I do not cope well with change. I never have. I can sure act like “its all gonna be ok,” (this which I quote daily), but what I am really thinking is, when will these changes stop? God let me see the positive.

Not long ago my husband and I had a conversation about our personality’s. He is very cut and dry, its either black or white absolutely NO grey in between. I am the one that thinks there is grey in-between and maybe even other colors. I try so hard to see things in color, but sometimes (in stressful times) I only see black (the negative).

Is this how God intended us to be?

I have to believe that God would rather us see the color in-between. The wonderful things that come from our stress. The positive that comes from our anxiety and worry. He provides color in the midst of our stressful days, we just have to look for it.

When Sawyer was two we were told that he may have Cystic Fibrosis. He had two test done in Memphis and both were inconclusive. I was scared to death and would not accept that this could be. We decided to take him to Little Rock and have a third test. I was very anxious and could not breath. We had to be there at eight in the morning, so we had to leave at six. That morning I prayed that he would be ok, and I knew that no matter what it would be. On our way there the sunrise was so beautiful, showing colors of pink, yellow, and orange. In that moment I could feel the peace of God, and I KNOW he made me see the colors of his love and peace. There was not black or white or inconclusive, just color.

Do you see black or white in the way you look at things? Or do you see color in-between?

He is like the light of morning at sunrise on a cloudless morning, like the brightness after rain that brings grass from the earth.
2 Samuel 23:4


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