I have to admit I have had a hard couple of days. I have felt the longing for Chad. A hug. A kiss. A “I love you baby.” I used to ask him why he loved me. His reply was always “because you love me.” We always laughed, because I wanted a different answer, but that’s what he said every time to drive me nuts. I even miss that. It is weird the things you miss when someone you love is gone. I miss the way he smelled after a shower, his skin, the way he looked when he slept, and this blister on his hand I rubbed every night. (a callous really) The things you take for granted everyday while being married.
The past nine years he has always laughed at me for my weird things. As we would drive late in the day and if the sunset was really beautiful, I would say “awww, such a beautiful sky.”( by the way, pink is my favorite color) He would always laugh, because that is what I would say EVERYTIME!. He would say “you are such a girl” and I would tell him “no, I just love God’s beauty.”
This past week the kids and I had a chance to get away. We went to the beach. The sky was always beautiful, but on the last night there was a beautiful sunset. Guess who popped in my mind and the words he would have said to me. Chad. It was very emotional for me. This was not the first time I had seen such a beautiful sunset since he went to heaven, but it was my first without him on the beach. Every time I have seen one since he died, I have told the kids “look what daddy sent me!” Sawyer knew exactly what I was talking about, because he was in the midst of making fun of me with his dad.
When I saw this one at the beach, I knew it was from God and Chad. They were sending their love my way. In my head I was telling the Lord “thank you for this.” It was such a wonderful reminder that he has not forgotten me and Chad had not either.
As Sawyer and I were standing looking at this sunset on the beach, I asked Sawyer who did he think of when he saw it. He quickly said “my daddy.” Sawyer knew how I loved sunsets and he knew this was something Chad and I shared.
so I believe Chad was sending us his love at that moment. I believe Jesus was sending me comfort and love in that moment. I also believe that this was a promise from God. Like he was saying “its all going to be ok, enjoy the sky, Chad is here with me in it.” These days have been so hard, but when I glance as this beautiful picture, I see the work of God and Chad sending his love from the beautiful heavens. I believe these sunsets Chad laughed at me about is a brief glimpse of heaven. God sending his love.