The day Chad died I seriously thought life was over. I fell to my knees in disbelief, shock, and fear. My fear was fueled by so many things, but a major thing was knowing I was left alone. Alone. On this earth without Chad. Without my Children’s father. Without a help mate. I felt my future was ripped out from under me. Leaving me with a hopeless future.
Looking back at that day I can see where I layed my trust. Not at the feet of Jesus, but the feet of fear and anxiety! At My own feet!! I knew deep down the Lord would not leave me alone, but I selfishly relied on how I could fix things and not on how God could fix it!!
I can honestly admit that I was worried about being alone. How could I ever love another like I loved Chad. How could I ever trust another like I trusted Chad. How could I ever live normally without Chad.
BUT I came to a point where I lifted my hands on that worry. I said “alright Lord, I will trust you. I know you will fulfill your promises. I know you are faithful. I know you are preparing the perfect person for the kids and I.” (Side note – I thought, “WHO Lord in Cross County.” Just kidding. Not really)
And as I left this at his feet. He showed me I was not alone. He confirmed to me he was preparing someone for me. He would be faithful and I would be joyful again. Not only joyful with another mate, but in Jesus too!! I left My every worry there, at his feet. He led me astray from fear and brought me to something I didn’t think existed anymore. HOPE.
As I begin to move on there is something I have to say and put out there. With moving on with my life, the love I have for Chad will never end. It will always exist. I feel more blessed knowing that I will have loved twice. Real love. Unconditional love. I will have love flowing in heaven and on earth.
There are no rules to this widow thing. There are no rules to love. There are no rules or limitations on what God can give and provide!! His plan is perfect and he will make
the road straight again even when all you see is mountains, HUGE ONES! He is never failing!! His love is never-ending!!