Thursday will be one year.
I really can not believe that it has been one year. One year of a million tears cried. One year of complete confusion. One year of disbelief. One year of wondering what Chad must be doing in heaven. One year of trusting God fully. One year of seeing God’s faithfulness. One year of building my relationship with my Jesus. One year of great change. One year of finding peace, when I didn’t think it still exist. One year of God keeping his promises. One year and I’m still standing.
First of all I have to send my love to all that loved and supported the kids and I , made a way for us to keep going with life, and just being there. Thanks be to God for a community that pulls together in tragedy and shows love beyond measure; for all of that I am so thankful. I have the sweetest friends. I have made sweet friends through this year and also lost some. God has given me insight on how to love the suffering and seek to help the lost. God has shown me that to move on with life, I have to trust God’s plan and go with it! This year has taught me to never give up, when I could have so many times. I have learned that I can not depend on myself to get through the day, because it was a challenge to breath some days. I was and am totally dependent on God.
Our lives have changed, but we are still standing. I believe the reason we are still standing is because someone (a bunch of you) were standing in the gap for us. Praying over us. Begging and pleading for God to give us peace and comfort. Thank you again!
A lot of you will never experience the hurt of losing a spouse. I hope you never do and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. A lot of you will stand firm in believing that I started my life over quick. I have to say this, stand in the shoes of a widow. Stand in my shoes. I hope you never have to.
In one year I have found love. A man that makes me laugh everyday, loves my kids as if they are his own, and has the biggest heart. He is a man of God and a man of integrity. I want to think that Chad and God had a sit down conversation about Tim. I want to hope that Chad picked him out and told God “that’s him, she will be happy and loved.” I know with all my heart Chad is pleased and I know he smiling that big cheesy smile.
The kids are doing so good! They laugh and smile. They are enjoying life! I have made sure that they remember Chad and also know that God’s plan is good! They talk about him to us and laugh about things he used to do. Such as the plastic in his backseat for spills! P.S. he never let them eat in his truck! Both kids remember. I hope that always will!
I want to let everyone know, life is good! Life is going! We are standing, with no slump, straight. Life is precious. Love on those you love. Hold them right!
I want to also say with loss comes new eyes. Sight. I see the grass greener. I see the sunset more beautiful. I see the stars brighter. I see the butterflys more often. I see the love for Tim so much deeper. I love and cherish my children deeper. I see heaven much differently than before. I see life as a beautiful gift.
All in one year I have changed. Life has changed, but God never did and never will!