I have got to say, like I have said so many times before, everyday life can be tough for this gal. I have struggles just like everyone. I struggle to keep my laundry up, my bathroom clean, my closet organized, supper cooked sometimes, and just taking care of me. Life is a struggle.I have everyday normal struggles and then I have everyday emotional struggles. The kind of struggles that Satan loves to ruin your day with or catch you off guard at the most inconvenient times.
When I say struggles I do not mean the constant agony of grief, but the repairing of my heart and soul. I struggle to grasp how a heart can be broken in a million pieces. I struggle with the “whys” of my broken heart, and the how can my heart ever be the same.I struggle with seeing and hearing things that remind me of my “D” day. I struggle with the past and how I have a now and then. A wise lady that had been widowed in the past told me that there will be a curtain that falls. And the things behind the curtain will be your past and the things in front of your curtain will be the present. At the time she told me this I did not grasp the importance of it. I see it now.
Satan will remind you of the before the curtain fell. The good times and the bad. The happy and the sad. Satan will constantly remind you of the day your life shattered, and he is so good at reminding you of details. Everything before the curtain fell seems like another lifetime. A life that you see as a dream and think did that really happen? Did I really survive the ending to that lifetime?
I did survive and I am here to tell about it. Although I struggle to let the life behind the curtain be, I am filled with joy with the life in front of the curtain. The curtain did not steal my joy, it separated my lifetime into parts that are so very different , with different types of joy. I had joy being behind the curtain and beyond. The curtain just changed the scene.
I believe that God does not intend for us to dwell on the bad and sad behind the curtain, but in awe of it.We should be in awe of how he delivered me from the valley and gave me a new scene. HE has allowed me to have joy in both lifetimes. I had a marriage filled with joy with Chad, and I have a marriage filled with joy with Tim. Satan does not want us to see the Joy in both, just the hurt behind. God wants us to see that the curtain is his way of separating things for our good. HE wants us to be happy beyond our past and he also wants us to see the happiness behind us.
I have struggled a little these past weeks with the holidays. All I can think is Chad will not see his babies on Christmas and they can not see him. BUT he has seen them on Christmas mornings before and he is now seeing Christ, which is the reason we celebrate Christmas in the first place. I am sure he is ready for his children to see the face of Jesus, more than seeing them open a gazillion gifts.
I am excited to see whats beyond the curtain. I know that life is short. I know I have work that needs to be done for God’s kingdom. I know that my struggles will become less and less with time. I have a wonderful husband that loves my kids and I so very much, and I have a husband sitting with JESUS.
For all that are feeling weary and have struggles this holiday season remember that just because the curtain has fell, does not mean that joy is gone. OH NO. The joy is still there the curtain is just changing the scene for the next show.